Love and Respect in Marriage
Sven and Olga lived on a farm in South Dakota and had been married almost 30 years, when Olga complained, “Not once in thirty years since we got married, have you told me you loved me.” Sven, looking a little puzzled and annoyed, replied, “I told you I loved you when I married you. If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know!” Today, I want to talk about improving on Sven’s relationship model. Let’s see what scripture might tell us about this.
Ephesians 5:
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Before Valentine’s Day there is another important national holiday, tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday. I watch a lot of football, as Michele can tell you. A new phrase that has come into the lexicon for officials in recent years is the “Point of Emphasis.” This isn’t a change in the rules, merely an emphasis on a rule that needs to be more meticulously enforced. For instance, avoiding helmet-to-helmet contact has been a point of emphasis lately.
When we look at the scripture here, and also look at some recent research into relationships between men and women; we see the following points of emphasis. For men, it is to love your wives and for women, it is to respect your husbands. Now, I take my cue from scripture, but it’s sometimes good to convince non-believers that science keeps confirming Christian principles.
Men: Demonstrate love to your wives. It’s not just thinking, yeah, I would take the bullet for her, even though you would. There certainly is the broader sense that it’s a man’s duty to protect his wife; that is an important aspect of how men love. I know from personal experience that Michele appreciates it when I protect her from unfair verbal attacks even from those close to her. But we men should also be establishing the framework of the relationship. You should take the lead on finding what you can do together, then do it, and demonstrate affection while doing so. This works on multiple levels. Your wife will respect you for your leadership and she will feel loved because of the attention, affection and time spent together.
Women: Show respect towards your husbands. Start by letting him take the lead, and if he doesn’t encouraging him to. It means no sarcasm, choosing your words carefully. We are often much more careful with our words at work than we are in the home. It means acknowledging his contributions. Maybe he makes the money or contributes in other ways, those should be acknowledged. Don’t be in the habit of criticizing your husband, even to your girlfriends, and especially not to your children. Here is another way to think about this. If the pastor came to your house for dinner, how would you treat him, how would you show respect? That same treatment, applied to your husband will improve your relationship.
This isn’t hard to understand, even if it’s sometime hard to do.
Respect: We listen to what the other person is saying. We follow that person’s lead. We look for them to take the lead, and when they do we follow.
Showing love means saying it more often. Being considerate and attentive. Thinking of your wife when taking the lead and making plans.
By the way, no one is saying that the women shouldn’t love their husbands or that men shouldn’t respect their wives. Scripture is, however, calling out a point of emphasis. So I challenge every couple here today to do this. Women, make respecting your husbands a point of emphasis in your relationship; especially if you aren’t “feeling it.” Men, go out of your way to be loving, act loving and say that you love your wives; again irrespective of your feelings.
I guarantee that it will improve your marriage.
